Comments on: My Mid Life Crisis Made Me Do It? http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it Allan Cockerill writes... Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:29:05 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.5 By: Thinking About The Sins Of The Fathers At Easter | Coffee With Allan Cockerill… http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it#comment-743 Thinking About The Sins Of The Fathers At Easter | Coffee With Allan Cockerill… Mon, 24 Mar 2008 01:13:05 +0000 http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it#comment-743 [...] made a post a while back called My Mid Life Crisis Made Me… and the reasons people give for moving in and out of [...] [...] made a post a while back called My Mid Life Crisis Made Me… and the reasons people give for moving in and out of [...]

]]> By: Allan http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it#comment-698 Allan Mon, 17 Mar 2008 23:01:31 +0000 http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it#comment-698 <strong>Hi Ange,</strong> I understand that scenario, but do we make it too easy sometimes, and is it worth the cost, both financial and emotional, to move on? And what of the children in the relationship? I wonder sometimes if it would be easier to recognise the signs of drifting apart, and seek to do something about it rather than just letting it die. Just my take on it anyway... <strong>G'day Sandra,</strong> Having 'an unrealistic view of what marriage is going to be like from the start' is a BIG part of the problem! Because we have individuals forming a union, it is hard work because we are dealing with differences in opinion and so on. Many get caught up in the romance of it all, a lot of which is fantasy, or sex, which is an important part of it, but marriage is so much more. I think that if people who are looking to get married sat down as individuals and wrote down their needs, expectations and desires before marriage, and then compared notes, they would be able to go into it with their eyes wide open... Hi Ange,

I understand that scenario, but do we make it too easy sometimes, and is it worth the cost, both financial and emotional, to move on?

And what of the children in the relationship?

I wonder sometimes if it would be easier to recognise the signs of drifting apart, and seek to do something about it rather than just letting it die.

Just my take on it anyway…

G’day Sandra,

Having ‘an unrealistic view of what marriage is going to be like from the start’ is a BIG part of the problem!

Because we have individuals forming a union, it is hard work because we are dealing with differences in opinion and so on.

Many get caught up in the romance of it all, a lot of which is fantasy, or sex, which is an important part of it, but marriage is so much more.

I think that if people who are looking to get married sat down as individuals and wrote down their needs, expectations and desires before marriage, and then compared notes, they would be able to go into it with their eyes wide open…

]]> By: Sandra http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it#comment-546 Sandra Sun, 17 Feb 2008 04:04:39 +0000 http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it#comment-546 Allan, I think you hit the nail on the head with your comment about chasing after youth. A wife or husband the same age is sometimes an unwelcome reflection or reminder of someone's true age. They can feel younger easier with someone younger and it's probably flattering initially. Like you said though, it's natural to still be attracted to others but that doesn't mean you have to act on it or hide secrets from your spouse. When times are hard many seem to bail out, especially if they had an unrealistic image of what marriage was going to be like from the start. Seeking an escape through someone else's arms or attempting to turn back the clock are not good long term strategies and I agree that they will soon likely be in the same boat. <em>Sandra's last blog post..</em><a href='http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/MentalEmotionalHealth/~3/235325657/' rel="nofollow">The Mid Life Crisis Made Me Do it</a> Allan, I think you hit the nail on the head with your comment about chasing after youth. A wife or husband the same age is sometimes an unwelcome reflection or reminder of someone’s true age. They can feel younger easier with someone younger and it’s probably flattering initially.

Like you said though, it’s natural to still be attracted to others but that doesn’t mean you have to act on it or hide secrets from your spouse.

When times are hard many seem to bail out, especially if they had an unrealistic image of what marriage was going to be like from the start. Seeking an escape through someone else’s arms or attempting to turn back the clock are not good long term strategies and I agree that they will soon likely be in the same boat.

Sandra’s last blog post..The Mid Life Crisis Made Me Do it

]]> By: Buzzing with Ange http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it#comment-540 Buzzing with Ange Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:20:42 +0000 http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it#comment-540 This kind of scenario happens all too often Allan. People tend to get bored... husbands or wives working late... not enough time together... one changes... outgrows the other... lost communication channels... but leaving just for the sake of trading in for a younger model is wrong. I don't have the statistics on it, but it would be interesting to know how many of them do last! I think if two people cannot possibly live together any more and it's not a happy and safe environment for children, then they should go their separate ways. It all boils down to our hierarchy of values and what is at the top of the list. Communication and being authentic with one another is essential in making a relationship work. Learning how to make requests and empowering each other rather than bringing the other down. As adults, we should act like adults and not children. Being responsible for one self and those we love is key here. <em>Buzzing with Ange's last blog post..</em><a href='http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/angesbiz/JVqz/~3/235529946/' rel="nofollow">Life Success Coach Kurek Ashley</a> This kind of scenario happens all too often Allan. People tend to get bored… husbands or wives working late… not enough time together… one changes… outgrows the other… lost communication channels… but leaving just for the sake of trading in for a younger model is wrong. I don’t have the statistics on it, but it would be interesting to know how many of them do last!

I think if two people cannot possibly live together any more and it’s not a happy and safe environment for children, then they should go their separate ways. It all boils down to our hierarchy of values and what is at the top of the list. Communication and being authentic with one another is essential in making a relationship work. Learning how to make requests and empowering each other rather than bringing the other down. As adults, we should act like adults and not children. Being responsible for one self and those we love is key here.

Buzzing with Ange’s last blog post..Life Success Coach Kurek Ashley

]]> By: Allan http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it#comment-537 Allan Sat, 16 Feb 2008 05:31:09 +0000 http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it#comment-537 G'day Durano, Some may call it a mid life crisis, others may say it's just a combination of immaturity and lust! I wonder why bother? After all the work of building a relationship and raising children etc., it would be hardly worth it in my opinion! As for people marrying similar types to their parents, I think that this is natural in one sense - where values and temperament are concerned at least. It's when it's taken to an extreme that it gets a bit scary! Loved your Babyboomer post by the way! Highly recommended reading! Cheers! G’day Durano,

Some may call it a mid life crisis, others may say it’s just a combination of immaturity and lust!

I wonder why bother? After all the work of building a relationship and raising children etc., it would be hardly worth it in my opinion!

As for people marrying similar types to their parents, I think that this is natural in one sense - where values and temperament are concerned at least.

It’s when it’s taken to an extreme that it gets a bit scary!

Loved your Babyboomer post by the way! Highly recommended reading!

Cheers!

]]> By: Durano Lawayan http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it#comment-536 Durano Lawayan Fri, 15 Feb 2008 12:35:25 +0000 http://allancockerill.com/relationships/my-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it#comment-536 Hi Allan, This is oh so true. People who leave their spouses to live with a younger version of their ex. I've seen these and have made a mental note of it, and what I discovered is what you have mentioned: that they end up with the same problems and predicaments because half the problem in their previous relationship was theirs. The funny thing is, in trying to resolve some of their concerns, the new wife is less experienced to handle it, and they find that the problem solving skills of their ex-wife is just as critical as their selfish desire for a youthful replacement! Crazy huh? On top of this, their temperaments don't match and the fights last longer than before. The age factor also diminishes their ability to assert themselves and end up being henpecked by the new wife; when in fact, the first wife had nothing but respect and gratitude for them. It's a case of deciding with their crotch rather than their brain. This is a manifestation of immaturity, of juvenile mentality - where a sperm of the moment decision takes over the value of a shared lifetime. I've spoken about men here. But there's another thing Allan, when the woman marries a man who is a younger version of her father; and replaces him later in life with another man who is a younger version still, of her father. Same with men who marry a younger version of their mother. I don't have much data on these as I have been exposed to only one couple for each. :-) --Durano, done! <em>Durano Lawayan's last blog post..</em><a href='http://spittingvessel.blogspot.com/2008/02/baby-boomer-bombshell.html' rel="nofollow">The Baby Boomer Bombshell</a> Hi Allan,

This is oh so true. People who leave their spouses to live with a younger version of their ex. I’ve seen these and have made a mental note of it, and what I discovered is what you have mentioned: that they end up with the same problems and predicaments because half the problem in their previous relationship was theirs. The funny thing is, in trying to resolve some of their concerns, the new wife is less experienced to handle it, and they find that the problem solving skills of their ex-wife is just as critical as their selfish desire for a youthful replacement! Crazy huh?

On top of this, their temperaments don’t match and the fights last longer than before. The age factor also diminishes their ability to assert themselves and end up being henpecked by the new wife; when in fact, the first wife had nothing but respect and gratitude for them.

It’s a case of deciding with their crotch rather than their brain. This is a manifestation of immaturity, of juvenile mentality - where a sperm of the moment decision takes over the value of a shared lifetime.

I’ve spoken about men here. But there’s another thing Allan, when the woman marries a man who is a younger version of her father; and replaces him later in life with another man who is a younger version still, of her father. Same with men who marry a younger version of their mother. I don’t have much data on these as I have been exposed to only one couple for each. :-) –Durano, done!

Durano Lawayan’s last blog post..The Baby Boomer Bombshell

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