Thinking About The Sins Of The Fathers At Easter

I like the picture to the left!

Family should mean security and acceptance, but what happens when Mum or Dad leave? Who stands in the gap for the children?

There’s something about the picture above that says home, love and security.

Or does it really say that?

To a lot of kids, families like this only exist on television, and even then, they’re often displayed as dysfunctional.

Not that there are any families that are 100% perfect, simply because no one is perfect anyway.

Imperfect people make up imperfect families, but do we need to accept family breakdowns as just another part of life?

I’ve been thinking about this after visiting Sean the other day.

His Mum had run into my wife in town, and had asked if I could visit him.

I’d first met Sean and his siblings on the bus when he was just a few months old, and I’d seen him almost every work day for the next seven years.

His Mum was single, Dad having taken off, leaving him and his sisters in their mother’s care.

A couple of years ago, a new man had appeared in his mother’s life, and he’d quickly grown attached to him, and started calling him ‘Dad’.

Unfortunately, this “dad” wasn’t too much different from his real one, and had departed as well.

Sitting in the garden with Sean and his mother, I asked him who had said that it was his fault that things hadn’t worked out.

He shrugged and kept his head down, saying nothing, so I asked him again.

“No one” came the answer, “I just thought it was”.

Looking him in the eye, I said no, it wasn’t his fault at all, and that he’s a fine young man coming up to his eighth birthday.

I explained that the guy had issues that Sean had no way of knowing about, and in no way could he be blamed for the situation!

After throwing a ball around with him for a while, I turned to go home.

As I got into the car, he asked me if he could come visit on the weekend.

I paused, and said well, it’s Easter, so I will be busy… but if you can help me do some jobs we’ll put the barbecue on for lunch…

The smile and nod that I got signaled his acceptance…

I’m no expert here, and have only learned by observation, as well as my own experience with my parents, and my own children.

I made a post a while back called My Mid Life Crisis Made Me… and the reasons people give for moving in and out of relationships.

Is it just part of the symptoms of the ‘me generation’, where people are more concerned for themselves, and what they want, without regard to their partner or offspring?

Commitment can be hard, and staying around to do the hard yards bringing up kids, and being a part of a family unit isn’t easy.

But it is necessary. Kids need role models, and they need both male and female role models.

Life happens, and relationships fail, but parents need to stop and consider what the impact is on the children, and seek to soften the blow as much as possible.

That means putting aside their own differences, and trying to come to agreement on whats best for their children.

If this isn’t possible, a grandparent or other relative may be able to have input and give support at different times.

I know it’s not always possible, but for the sake of the future generation, someone has to start somewhere…

Or am I just too old fashioned?