Dealing With Divorce and Depression

One of the things that has struck me over the years when talking to friends and colleagues about divorce are some of the common themes about their reactions and feelings.

Anxiety, loss of trust, loneliness and embarrassment are all words that I have heard a number of times.

Divorce Rates

In Australia women are more likely to end a marriage with 38 per cent of divorces filed by women, 33 per cent filed jointly and 27 per cent filed by men.

About 40 per cent of marriages can be expected to end in divorce.

Divorce rates tend to fluctuate from year to year, and since 2000 the number of marriages in Australia has increased slightly!

More here: Divorce rates drop in Australia!

Moving on From A Divorce

One of the hardest things to do after a divorce is to move on with life!

Regardless of how simple a “no fault divorce” system seems to be, there may still be feelings of failure, guilt and shame.

This may in turn lead to some people feeling depressed after a divorce!

The important thing is that they need to realize that this is a common reaction to a real life situation.

Facing this reality can be the first step in recovery

Other things that can cause people to feel depressed is the sense of disapproval that they may feel from those around them.

While the ideal may be a life long relationship “until death do us part”, the reality is that we are only human.

We change over time, and are influenced by our upbringing, changes in society, our general health and so on.

At the same time, our partners are going through the same issues, and reactions can be different!

Getting Married Is Easy!

Staying married is hard work!

It requires give and take, communication, cooperation and understanding.

With the pace of life it is very easy for couples to drift apart for different reasons.

While adultery in marriage and the loss of trust that follows is a cause of many relationship break ups, some times people just drift apart.

They still have to cope with the aftermath of separation and divorce though, and it isn’t easy.

Communication Is A Major Key!

There is help available, whether it’s talking to a close friend, or visiting a health professional such as your local GP, or a counselor.

One thing to remember to is that people often “divorce” mutual friends, either intentionally or unintentionally.

This may be due to embarrassment, or just forgetting to maintain contact.

The important thing to remember is that good friends are a part of your support network!

Guilt, Shame and Rejection

The range of emotions that one goes through when a breakdown in relationship occurs is huge, but these three would have to be be three of the biggest, along with loneliness.

Friends and family find it hard to empathize, especially if they haven’t been down this road themselves.

There is a grief that is probably most akin to losing someone through death.

At this time building trust with family and friends is important, as is finding a counselor to share with.

Being able to share in confidence is important, so a professional is the best choice.

While I am not an expert in this area, and would never claim to be, I have written this post after having a degree of experience with friends and family either going or having gone through relationship breakdowns.

I have written a number of articles on surviving divorce and separation for a friend in the legal industry who is at present building a network of legal and health professionals to offer help in this area in Australia.

What About The Kids?

When divorce comes, it’s hard enough for the couple involved, let alone the kids.

Weighing up the effect that separation will have on the kids, and the expenses of shared custody are factors that need to be considered.

It’s easy to say that children are adaptable and resilient, and while that may be true, support for the whole family is essential.

The worst case scenario is for parents to be putting their former partner down in front of their children.

Remember that they get their security from you, and your husband/wife.

The other problem of course is the position that grand parents and other family members take, especially in front of the children.

Being impartial is hard, but an effort really needs to be made in this area.

Two Recent Posts: Beating Depression With The Black Dog Ride

Tell Me Again How Resilient Kids Are When It Comes To Divorce!