Bullying Online – Where to go for help…?

The following is from Besafeonline.org:

What is Bullying?

Bullying is a big concern for many parents and, if your child is distressed by any sort of bullying, then it should be taken seriously. Bullying is defined as persistent unwelcome behaviour and can include anything from teasing, deliberately ostracising someone to assaults and abuse.

Bullies will use many ways to get at their victims and the Internet gives them yet another method. This form of bullying is sometimes called cyber bullying and describes the misuse of email systems or the Internet for harassing people, such as by sending unpleasant or aggressive messages.

Although this is a recent phenomenon and may not yet be taken seriously by everyone, bullying of all kinds is wrong and should be challenged. The good news is that there are some direct practical steps that you can take to help your child if they are a victim.

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We can of course, add bullying in Web 2.0 forums such as Bebo, MySpace and so on to this definition of cyber bullying as well!

This is actually why I am writing this post, because it has been an ongoing problem for one of my daughters, and so I decided to post it to show what I have done, and where I am heading with it, in order to help others …as well as getting further help!

The Problem:

My daughter’s problem concerns a particular classmate, and her friends. In the shifting landscape of friends and alliances at school, my daughter has distanced herself from this girl.

As a result, physical bullying plus posting of comments, pictures and crude remarks on Bebo have occurred over the past few months.

Consultation with the school principal and counsellors has resulted in periods of calm, but after a while the situation flares again.

Local police have spoken at the school, and are actively involved with other schools in the area, seeking to create a coordinated program to address the problem.

What Can I Do?

I’m no psychologist, and in these politically correct times I may be accused of worsening the problem by saying this, but…

My method of dealing with bullies at school was simple – I’d simply say: go ahead and hit me, but you’re going to get hurt too, even if you win!

(Of course, there were times I walked away as well, as to retaliate would have meant more strife… usually with teachers. One needs to beware of being set up!).

Sometimes I’d stand there staring them down, hoping to high heaven that they couldn’t hear my knees knocking. Most times they’d back off, and when it did come to blows, I tried, as far as possible, to make sure they wouldn’t want to come back…

The simple fact is, in my experience anyway, that most bullies are cowards, and are often all bluff. By choosing your ground, and staring them down, you are in effect, doing to them what they are seeking to do to you… which is to humiliate, and show superiority!

It’s a bit different in cyberspace though, because the adversary isn’t standing in front of you, and you can sense (probably fear is a better word) that at the very moment you’re looking at what they’ve done, they’re showing their handiwork off to others!

I have forbidden my daughter to retaliate in kind, and she has had to be told at least once to remove material that would further inflame the situation. Retaliating in kind online only muddies the situation further, and makes the mess harder to solve!

I have also moved my daughter’s computer into a more public area of the house, rather than her bedroom, so that her mother and I can walk past and see what is going on.

Naturally, she didn’t like this!

So, I backed down and agreed that of course she could move her desktop back to her room – minus the internet connection!

It’s still where I put it!

My next step was to join Bebo myself! (Yuk! I feel like a complete dork, shiny head and all sitting there – hoping that no one gets the wrong idea about an old bloke joining…).

I then added my daughters as friends. (And no one else, simply because I do not want to be accused of anything untoward…) From this position, I am can watch what happens next, and report it to Bebo itself.

Now please understand that I am not saying anything against Bebo, or any other website like it! In fact, I believe that they, and other companies in the market place realize that it is in their best interest to try and deal with the problem.

Like always, it comes down to what happens in the home, how we treat our children, and what we teach them.

I believe that by taking a proactive role and joining Bebo to see exactly what is going on, and then contacting the Admin once I am sure of my facts, that I am sending a message to my kids that there is a right way and a wrong way to go about things.

Obviously, it’s not a question of getting the other girl and her friends banned from school. My wife and I both believe that this would be counter productive, and could result in trouble for everyone further down the track.

Now, I’d really like to know what my web friends think? Should there be a group for parents on Bebo and other sites? Are there other answers? All (helpful) comments would be appreciated…

Update: Schools Combat Cyber Bullying on Myspace and Bebo!