Congratulations Baby, You’ve Done Well So Far!
She always was wired a bit different, Son, Dad always told me.
I told your mother that all the time, he added just weeks before he passed away!
I remember the day she was born very well. She’d kept us up most of one night, and almost all of the next, playing a guessing game with us as to what she was going to do next.
Every time my Suzie tried to rest, it was kick, contract, kick. The Outlaws came over to watch our first born, ‘N’, while we went to the hospital for the first time, and again on the second, and the third times.
Finally, we just left her at their house while we we waited, and while we waited, we walked, and we talked.
We walked around the hospital. We walked up and down the corridors, and then we walked to the nearby shopping mall.
And while we walked, we talked, we talked about our dreams for the future, whether the baby was a boy or a girl. (I already knew in my heart that it was a girl).
We bounced names around, asked aloud what our families’ reactions would be at our choices.
We’d just sold the remnants of our business, which had failed due to market conditions, and to what I saw as my mismanagement and failure.
It’s funny when you think back about things that happened so long ago, how other details come flooding in.
We’d never strayed far from our home towns. The Koori have a relationship with the land that is completely different from the white man – the land owns them, instead of the other way around.
I guess that somehow, that flowed over to us too, and, I have to say that I don’t mind at all. Although both our family’s’ roots lay in France, Ireland and England, we are Australian through and through, and to some degree seem to have picked up the Koori essence of Australia, the spirit of the place.
The area that our business covered was huge, from Sydney in the East, to Cobar and Nygan in the NSW Outback. Reflecting now I can see that it was a blessing that the business had died – it meant that I wasn’t travelling around the countryside, and could be with Suzie for the birth.
I’d had such a close relationship with ‘N’ in her short life until now, that I wasn’t even sure how I would handle another baby.
Dad was always there though, and would always reassure me and say, it’s alright son, they bring their own love with them, and I should know, he’d say with a wink and a grin.
‘D’ was indeed different, and her arrival was at least as dramatic as most of the other stuff she’s done. The nurse had been in five minutes earlier, and then I called her back.
It was almost time, but at that time of night all she wanted to do was relax and drink tea!
Because my wife is a part of me, I knew that the time had come. I’d been there for the birth of ‘N’, and have been for the rest as well.
I told the nurse in no uncertain terms to get her **** in here, NOW! As she came in to have a crack at this know all male, she took one look and panicked. ‘D’ arrived in 3 minutes flat! She even beat the doctor….!
The differences between ‘D’ and ‘N’ continued to show! While ‘N’ was always talking, (and still is), ‘D’ was content to let the bond between her and her mother, and her sister, do the communicating for her.
Of course, I could only guess what she wanted, and it wasn’t until Suzie went away for a break just before ‘R’ was born, that she spoke more than a few words at a time.
Within about three hours of Suzie leaving though, the words were gushing out like a torrent, (and have been since).
Suzie got the shock of her life that night when I told her that that her daughter wanted to talk to her on the phone, and found that it wasn’t ‘N’ that I was referring to…
When she went to school, she was the first to be kissed by a boy, always managed to stage the mother of all birthday parties, and get herself invited to everyone else’s’ too.
I remember one in particular where miniature train rides and a merry-go-round had been booked for another party at the park where we were having our BBQ.
No one turned up for that one, and as we had something like thirty kids to entertain, we got the benefit of the amenities for the price of the insurance cover. ‘D’ stood about 7 feet tall in her friends’ eyes that day…
She met Allison in Kindergarten, and has maintained a relationship all the way through school.
One of the things that we always made certain of, and planned for, was that we would give our family stability. To that end we committed to stay together, no matter what, and all four of our children have gone through school with the same set of friends, and until they were all well into their high school years, there was always a parent at home for them.
This is a luxury, in this day and age, but we did purposely go without a lot so that we could manage it.
Even now the kids feel that they have missed out on some stuff in a material sense, but, in years to come, they will know the benefit of it!
D left home a couple of years ago, for reasons that I still can’t fully understand.
She didn’t get into trouble, but the rejection that Suzie and I both felt was, and is, just so intense.
We made a pact with her and organized a holiday in New Zealand, on the condition that she finished that year’s school. When she came back, she ended up settling here in town with my cousin and his family, and I’m pretty sure that she stayed there because of the stubborn streak she inherited from her Mum.
I don’t think it was easy at times, she told him at one stage that he was harder to get on with than me…
This period was probably the only time time that she didn’t hang out with Alison.
She did keep her end of the bargain though, finishing that year, and today, D graduated from High School. Alison was there of course, along with the other kids that she’d gone through school with!
In her stubbornness, she had indeed upheld her side of the bargain, even to the point of doing a part time college course at the same time.
Now though, she’s dropped a bombshell and told us that she’s decided to go to university in Queensland – seemingly a world away from here! As I said to Suzie, if it was Sydney, or Armidale, or any of those other places just a few hours away, but Queensland?
It’s almost like someone from the southern states of the US leaving home to go north – same country, but…., bloody hell!
I was talking to my aunt earlier in the year, and said, well, I guess I was a bit wild too. She just looked at me, raised her right eyebrow, (just like N & R do at times) and said… “a bit wild? You were a proper b*****d, boy!”.
Well, I guess that I asked for that one.
Why write about this in such depth? Well, because I want ‘D’ to know how much we do love her! That goes without saying.
The other reason is simply that I know that other parents, Mums, Dads and Carers, and their kids, just like us, are going through the same sort of ordeal today.
I can only say that we have come this far with an enormous amount of Grace from the Almighty, and with the support of friends. We purposely kept the channels of communication open – both with our Baby, her friends’ parents, and of course our family, friends, and our Pastor.
The sleepless nights of worry, the brokenness, and the will to keep going have somehow changed us. For Better or Worse, only time can tell! As I sit here now, after looking for something to write all day, and avoiding this particular topic, I know that someone, some parent, or some prodigal, needs to read it….
When you do, don’t give up, and if you need to talk, or there’s no one close, send me a message….
In the meantime, the Redheads are still here, ‘R’ (shortstuff) and ‘K’ (biddie). Growing, learning and continuing to develop into mature young women.
‘R’ has emulated her sister in doing a part time college course while still at High School, and enters her final year in 2008, ‘K’ enters senior high school next year while ‘N’ is in her second year at university, studying Communications and Political Journalism – of course, pretty much from the opposite end of the political spectrum to her dad!
Of course, deep down, I know that as they continue, they too will leave.
It’s funny how things turn around, I sound just like my Dad, even though all those years ago, I indeed, was a proper b*****d …. trying to escape the shackles of a loving family!